Goodbye

Author’s Note: I wrote this as an alternate ending for the book, Hate List, by Jennifer Brown. Hate List, is about a girl, Valerie, who made a hate list with her boyfriend and one day her boyfriend, Nick, opened fire on her school and killed many people, specifically targeting people on the hate list they made and then killed himself. The book talks about what happened leading up to that day and Valerie’s life after that day. I wrote this piece to demonstrate voice in my writing.

That emptiness I was left with once I had lost my only friend all year, was grueling. I haven’t felt this low since the aftermath of that wretched day, the day Nick opened fire on all those people, leaving me here to pay the price of his mistake. He left me here to walk these halls, with no friends, and only enemies. And now when someone tries to be my friend, to care about me, I shove them away. I don’t deserve to have a friend, I’m just a waste of space in these halls, and on this earth. I know my father wishes Nick hadn’t missed and hit me in the leg, but blew off my head.  At least ninety percent of the world thinks I deserve to be dead instead of those innocent victims, and I’m starting to believe that too.

I slowly opened my desk drawer, retrieving my pen and my notebook. I began my letter to my mother, my father and anyone else who would listen to what I had to say. Tears filling my eyes I began to write…

Dear, Mom, Dad and Frankie,

I’m sorry, I’ve ruined all your lives. I’m done making you all pay for my mistakes. I know you all wish I could just be the kind of daughter, and sister you all wished I could be. I know now how to prevent my mistakes from affecting your lives. You probably wish I’d just done this before everything happened, before Nick killed all those people and before I ruined your lives, forever making you all the family of that girl who made a list with her boyfriend, and  is responsible for killing all those kids. 

I think you guys should know that I had no idea Nick was going to do that, I don’t know how I missed all the signs, but it still is partially my fault. If I’d never started that stupid list you guys wouldn’t be in this mess with me. And Frankie, I am so sorry for destroying your childhood, you shouldn’t have had to deal with this and for that I’m sorry.

I know there is no way for me to make it up for you all. Mom and Dad, you probably wish you’d never had me, that you’d had an A+ student, who is on student  council and has tons of friend and a great, smart boyfriend who is respectful and never will embarrass you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the daughter you guys deserved.

I don’t expect you two to forgive me, but I’m hoping doing this will keep you from paying for my mistakes.

Goodbye and sorry,

Valerie

Slowly, I reached under my bed and pulled out a black box. Carefully taking the lid off, I reached in and pulled out a shotgun. Shaking , I rested it against my head trying to hold back tears, I took a deep breath and between sobs I uttered , “I’m sorry.” Swiftly, I pulled the trigger, doing what everyone wishes I or Nick had done in the first place, ending the pain I’ve caused my family and the families of the victims.